saturday stuff

I just couldn't (wouldn't) muster the strength to drag my hide outta bed and go to the men's prayer group that meets at church two Saturdays a month. I like to sleep in just a bit on Saturdays when I can. Now it's time for coffee and bloggage and a relaxing wake up before I go get 'em.

I started working on our outdoor Christmas lighting last weekend, I hope to finish that this weekend. I love to have lights outside, always have. But I don't go anywhere near overboard. (that would require too much work lol). I also have to deliver all the popcorn my son and I sold for Cub Scouts. It's sitting out in the garage, ready to go. Tonite, we have a roller skating party for our Cub Scout Pack... that ought to be interesting lol! And tomorrow morning our brass group plays at Mass, that always nice! All in all, a busy weekend!

I am looking forward to Thanksgiving with my family this year. We go to my mom's on Wed afternoon and stay there, then off to my step-sister's house to do the big meal with my dad's side of the family. It stresses my wife out to go up there, because she doesn't relate to some of them well, but we do the best we can, and I really love being around my folks. We don't get together too terribly often. So, when we do it's nice. I just wish it weren't so tough on my wife. She's just not a social person and she's so hard on herself that it can be very stressful for her in social settings, especially with my family. Hopefully, with us doing Christmas at her family's home in WV this year, she will be more at ease. I am blessed to have great in-laws, so there's no issues for me.

I'm just grateful that we're healthy and sober, and have families to go visit!

Friday morning prayers

Ian seems to have caught whatever's been going round. He's got a bit of a fever, a cough so we're watching him closely and keeping him home from school. Bummer is, we have his H1N1 vaccinations scheduled for Tuesday afternoon and now he's sick. So, that could throw a bit of a wrench into the plan. I will have to call the health dept and see how long he has to be feeling better/fever free before we can get his vaccination. A couple of his friends had similar symptoms, they were down for about 3 days. So, we'll keep a close eye on him and see what happens.

I am pressing through this little patch of "dumpy crummies" I have been enjoying all week. I really don't have any problems, especially compared to some of my friends on here and some of the folks I know personally, who are going through some very trying times. So, my focus will continue to be prayers to my HP for them and prayers of gratitude for me.

Counting blessings...

That we're here to take care of Ian, and we know what we need to do, based on his symptoms, etc...

That I have a job to go to, and I actually love it...

That we're sober in AA and each have an active faith life at church...

That I have lots of friends online and in person...

That we're getting ready to spend time with our families at Thanksgiving and Christmas...

That we have a back up plan to assist with our ailing financials...

That I have an active life today, that doesn't resemble my former life of drinking and drugging...

Please God, be with my niece Natalie as she struggles ith this disease. Be with my friend Jaime as she copes with the loss of her boyfriend from Cancer. I pray for Your Blessings, Your Grace for these girls and for the two struggling young men who have been asked to call me for help getting sober. I pray that I am fit to help these guys and any others who cross my path and need help recovering. Please be with my friend Pam as she learns to live life without her mom close by. And most of all, thank You for always being there for me to call upon, to enjoy life with, to celebrate my blessings and gifts.

life on life's terms...

The past couple of days have been somewhat difficult, from a "getting stuff done" at work perspective. The weather has gotten very chilly, windy and rainy... typical dark grey Ohio yuck. I've been in a bit of an "anti-people" fog and have not felt terribly motivated. This too shall pass, I have faith in that.

Last nite at CCD, those 8th graders fairly trampled me down. I was tired, and they were particularly wound up. I was left with the distinct impression that they couldn't care less about the miracle of the Eucharist at Mass, and the importance of our spiritual "nutrition" when it comes to preparing for and receiving the Eucharist. They are in 8th grade, who can blame them lol? I try to make this stuff understandable and appealing at their level but last nite I just flat out sucked lol. It happens.

Today I will spend the day surrounded by people, "students" (local professionals) who are participating in a monthly class series we put on through the area Chambers of Commerce. Today we tour the various educational facilities in our county. I am working on a good attitude and an open mind, just in case this really turns out to be a dull, uninspiring day. I am not responsible to put this particular class day together, but as one of the "hosts" of this class, I am responsible to help our students get as much from this day as they can. I will make this a good day for me and have gratitude and peace to share.

Yesterday on facebook, I connected to an old friend. And through that old friend, I was connected to my ex-fiance. There's a long story, a lot of history (both drinking and early recovery) involved here. Suffice it to say I was thrown for a bit of an emotional loop as the day unfolded and relationship connections were made that had been left to atrophy over the past several years. It was a collision of my various "lives" that took me all the way back to high school.

When I love, I love hard and intensely and I tend to leave pieces of me behind, replacing those missing pieces with pieces of the people I've loved and grown close to. Yesterday I re-discovered the pieces I'd collected and stowed away, and I fell into some of the holes the missing pieces of me left behind. This looks like a job for HP and some "steppage." It was an eye-opening experience that wasn't entirely positive.

On a positive note, this experience has further reinforced just how much AA and God have changed me through sobriety. My life is completely unrecognizeable from my past. I wonder how that would have all gone down, had I not moved two and a half hours away at 2 years sober. There's some powerful reflections... man!

change

My life has changed... is changing so much this year. Going from the "for profit" world, into the "not for profit" world has been a big adjustment. I actually saw a 50% increase in my salary (including the $ they give me for insurance) but now there's no possibility for commission (which is where the "big bucks" should have been coming in at the bank/mortgage gig... not so much). So, the net result is a pay reduction since taking over the Chamber of Commerce. The net result is a schedule that is 50% more busy, with meetings and community/chamber related things in the evenings. The net result is a stress level that dropped from 85-90 out of 100 down to 10 on a scale of 100. The net result is a happier me, a less "growly" me at home and at work. The tough part of that scenario is that my wife has determined that she's simply incapable of working outside our home. She believes she cannot handle dealing with people and work situations. She has slowly convinced me of this fact and I am slowly accepting it. That hasn't helped our checkbook. But, it is what it is.

I've become a visible person in my community, a frightening proposition for an alcoholic/addict with secrets and character defects, flawed character, etc. I am an ego maniac with a large-type inferiority complex who gets to write in the paper, go on local tv and radio, and rub elbows with many of the folks around here that make things happen. I used to "hide" by living a highly self centered/self focussed life that involved me and what I like. Now, I volunteer a ton (still self centered I guess, it makes me feel good and I think it helps others like me, which has always been a goal of mine, lol) in my community.

I think I believe that by putting myself out there, I am forced to live a better life, to be a better me because the consequences are more meaningful/dreadful. I think this shift has also occured because my son is getting older and into more things, and I want to be a part of his life in any way I can to help guide him and to enjoy him. Maybe I am having a mid-life crisis? Well, I drive a Kia SUV and I don't have an 18 yr old girlfriend. So, I don't know lol.

What I do know is that my life is quickly becoming unrecognizable from what it was just 3 months ago... Serious change. Some change subtle, some overwhelming. What I also know is that I've fought to keep myself connected to AA and to God at Church. I know in my heart of hearts that I cannot get so busy that I lose connexion with what got me to the point of being able to live this life today.

I love my new life today. I love the changes that are taking place around me.

time won't let me...

Wow, time got away from me over the past couple of days, sorry about that! I just haven't had the time to post.

Please keep my niece Natalie in your prayers. She's off doing her thing, capital D H T, in spades. She's been all over the country, run her folks out of cash and patience. I met her for the first time over Labor Day and she appeared to have her self reasonably together and within days of our visit, was back at it again. She's got the "role" down well when she needs to put a good foot forward.

I am just afraid she's become one of those "hopeless, constitutionally incapable" souls. She just can't/won't get it and it's so damn upsetting to watch. Her parents are beyond helping her, brokenhearted and all that goes with being the parents of a raging alcoholic. The things is, she's only 22 or 23 and she is definitely out there risking her life.

We can do nothing but pray so I ask, I beg... please pray for Natalie. She's in real trouble!